I have a love/hate relationship with Big Cats. Or rather, they have a love/hate relationship with me. Cat people always talk about how they can't stand dogs, because they give away their affection too easily--but I beg to differ, here. Certainly, cats act cool at first, but once a cat has decided that they like you, they proceed to rub up against you, stick their butthole in your face, and bite your fingers as if they can't contain the pleasure they are experiencing. Especially cougars and other Big Cats. They decide they like you and it's ALL OVER. Your fingers aren't all that's gonna get bit, man.
- Written, Composed, and Recorded by Matt Fargo
- Drums by Michael Kitson
- Various and sundry screaming by Charlie Emrich and Matt Suidan
2006: The Best Jukebox The World Has Ever Known
This is entirely a work of fantasy, because I've never actually found a jukebox where I didn't want to punch a hole in the glass and tear all the CDs out and crush them in my hands like potato chips and scattering them at the bottom of the bar's urinals for everybody to piss on. Except maybe that one time I saw a real old-time jukebox that played 45s, which was amazing and had Sam Cooke and standard faire like that. It only played like eight disks, of which I think two or three were pretty acceptable. But none of them were Ike and Tina. Between them they must have like a hundred albums, so why doesn't anybody have the common sense to just fill their jukebox with that? Then I wouldn't have to waste my Saturdays recording four-part vocal interludes about Easy Cheese.
- Written, Composed, and Recorded by Matt Fargo
The 1960s, East Germany, on the outskirts of Leipzig. Under the rule of the SED, seven year-old Jantz spends his days dreaming of becoming a soul singer, in spite of chronic lung problems from his job at the coalmines. His mama is a miser; his papa a drunk---but Jantz doesn't let them stop him from dreaming bigger dreams. Then one day his mother gives him some money to buy groceries with, and Jantz can't help himself: fully aware he will be beaten senseless, Jantz buys his very first microphone. But when he tries to turn it on, something terrible happens...
Written by Tanaka Katsuki and Matthew Fargo this song evokes, in musical imagery, the manner in which headphones flatten one's hair on either side.
- Composer: Tanaka Katsuki and Matt Fargo
- Lyrics, instruments: Matt Fargo
- Drums: Garreth Keeney
- Drum recording: Mike Kitson
A little nostalgia from my Catholic kindergarten days.
On my first day of kindergarten I was so nervous that I threw up in a urinal. Fortunately, Sister Katheline was there to wipe off my face, pat my back, and say "Don't worry, Matt! Black is beautiful!" Then she picked up her guitar and launched into an epic version of this song.
And she was right! Black IS beautiful! I never threw up at kindergarten again.
- Arrangement, lyrics, instruments, recording: Matt Fargo
This is my voice sample for both Japanese and English. If you ever need someone to do an impression of an American missionary trying to convert the citizens of Tokyo in clumsy Japanese, or to talk about subway sandwiches, I'm the guy to call.
